I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
