We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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