i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
