It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
