is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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