i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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