Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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