When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
