There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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