so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
