$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
