i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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