no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
