i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
