When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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