i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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