they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
