"it" just moved
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
