He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
