I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
