dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
