covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
