and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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