My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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