My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
