There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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