Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Randomize
