i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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