exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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