See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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