chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
