I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize