currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
