I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
