Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
