dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize