did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
