well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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