i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
