I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
3 2 1 whiskey
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
