you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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