I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
