My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
