I think i sorta joined a cult last night
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
we should paint friendship bongs
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
