You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
