Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
