He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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