When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
