Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
