The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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