.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Woke up backwards on a recliner
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Two words: nipple clamps
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