If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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