Well apparently he's into motor boating.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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