I'd wear matching sweaters with you
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
