I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
