Fuck appropriateness.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
