guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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