I accidentally burped into my bong.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
