Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
4 words: hood of his car
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If I die, sorry about rent.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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