You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
