Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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