thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
is wine microwaveable?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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