I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
