god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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