Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
how drunk are you?
Several
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
