Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
