please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize