just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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