imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
