it's like her boobs came off with her bra
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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