I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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