is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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