I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
